Expert Football Prediction for Tomorrow Tomorrow ...

Intro
I got into Sports betting months after I turned 18. I was introduced to it by my idol twitch streamer who got SPONSORED by Betway(juiced af btw). I mean it seemed cool, it wasn't some degenerate CSGO roulette lottery bs (amirite). This was about skills and predictions, literally the stock market but for sports. I got to into it, started making models, reading articles on e-sports teams, watching YOUTUBE videos and seeing other peoples predictions. This was a fun side hobby and made watching the games that much more fun. $5 here, $10 there, $20 on the LOCK OF THE YEAR etc.
Mindset/ Problem gambing
21 and finally into the workforce. I can't lie, I hated my job (and life really) I accepted very early on that I was never going to be rich. I was born poor and most likely die poor too. On top of that I never had luck with the ladies and with my workplace being 90% male; mix that with a limited social life I was going to die single or have to pay for it. I'm not sure how I got to that point but I genuinely believe this up until a couple of months ago(23). I didn't think life was worth it unless u had money and being middle class wasn't what I was talking about. I'm talking about those who weren't tied down to any real obligations. Those who could do and or go wherever they wanted. Those who were their own boss, those who had a life I could only dream about (the streamers, content creators, youtubers of the world).
I knew very early no matter how much I saved I'd always be poor. Seeing kids driving Lambos, traveling to exotic places; working and living life on their terms, being able to pick up and do whatever they want. This was never going to be my reality. I was destined to the rat race, "another cog in the wheel" like the majority. I wasn't gifted, I had no real talents, I'm not amazingly intelligent, at best I was extremely average (and below average socially). Sure, I could save up and have money but honestly, by then I'd be in my late 30s, early 40s, fuck maybe 50s! and life would've already passed me by. By then I'd be old with a lot of responsibilities or more likely single and miserable. I just didn't see life being worth it as a poomiddle-class man. Life only really seemed worth living if you were in the top 10%. Sports betting seemed like my "only way out". It was the only clear path I could see in making a lot of money in the next couple of years and if I was good enough I could do it, a lot of people have.
The reality is I'd constantly break my "system" because at times I'd get desperate. I'd get home from work sometimes with the mindset. "FUCK I hate my life, I don't want to go into work tomorrow. Please just give me a way out. I'm wasting my life grinding this shit while people are traveling and vlogging their amazing lives. Why God! I want that so bad." I'd want to chase my losses or chase potential winnings. I wanted to make that money now, not some 7% cuck shit in a year. I'd straight up YOLO cause it felt good or felt there's no chance this team would lose. I literally did everything, every betting method possible I've tried it and have seen so many "lock of the century, there's no chance X loses" lose.
Totals
On Pinnacle I'm officially down CAD$37,384.39 over 22 months($22,000 over last 12 months). An estimated ~$10,000 combined on other sportsbooks prior(Betway, Bet365 and "scam bookmaker 1xbet"). So if I had to guess I'm down $45,000-$50,000 over 5 year: 18YO - 23. I did peak at a $40K bankroll from $500 eventually when I had an amazing month ... only to lose it all + more the following month :)
Reflection
Holy fuck... $50,000 I could've traveled the world, saved it for my future, fuck it buy a 2-3 year old nice car, had a downpayment for a small house, etc. Instead, I don't really have anything to show for the last 5 years of my life financially. Obviously, I did learn a lot about myself during this time such as I'm extremely content and satisfied without possessions or material things; I don't need the latest and greatest toys. I mean I literally went 5 years without buying myself anything and I don't feel sad about it. Relationships and experiences are really what matters and give me meaning and is the reason I don't see a reason to bet any more.
Final Thoughts
So, if you're reading me and judging me! go for it! I deserve to be judged and shamed, I was an addict. If there's anyone who can relate or anyone who's struggling with a gambling addiction. I'm not going to tell you to stop, just to reevaluate the reasons for why you're playing. If it's to escape your reality go and seek different perspectives on life. One where materialism and possessions aren't at the key of your happiness.
Rereading this, It's actually insane and I can't believe I let myself do that. Holy fuck... It could've been worse but I'm just happy I can move onto the next chapter of my life. Cheers !